New Blog, New Me

Just a quick one...

Okay, so my little boy now has chicken pox. So everything is put on hold - just till he recovers. But I'll be back. I have a medical certificate which covers me until Tuesday, so I'll post again then. I still intend to do my 20 mins exercise - which I'm happy to say that I have been doing - daily...but won't really have any time to update while Ry is sick.

Hope you're all well :)

x

The Return

I'm not perfect - far from it. I feel like I'm on top of the world and at my most motivated. After a while, I think that I'm strong enough to face temptation. Alas, I do stupid things. I fuck up. I feel sorry for myself. Then I start the whole 'health kick' thing again.

This is where I'm at now.

Previously, it's always been all or nothing. I know I've said otherwise, but it's always been that way. I'm either eating super healthy, or eating junk. My exercise routine starts out great and usually lasts around a month or so, then I miss one day & I never get back into it.

It's been a crazy couple of months. I've been feeling incredibly unmotivated and just plain BLAH! I've also been feeling so angry at myself for not getting off my arse and losing the weight before. My God! How many times have I been here? How many times have I said I'm going to lose this weight, get off to a great start and then just give up after a month or two because it all just seems too hard? I'm sick of it! I'm sick of punishing myself. I'm sick of feeling bad about myself. So it's time for a change. It's time for a plan. So this is what my new plan is (doesn't every just love a new plan???)...

I intend to move at least 20 minutes a day. I have hired a treadmill during these winter months because it's too bloody cold to go outside. It's only 20 mins - how hard can that be? I also intend to exercise in the morning to 1. wake me up and 2. to improve my energy levels throughout the day. Any other exercise done during the day is just a bonus!

Foodwise? Well, I intend to eat when I'm hungry. I plan on making smart choices and being organised (if I'm so organised at work, why the hell is it so hard to be organised in my personal life???)! I've switched to decaf coffee and am going to aim to drink at least 1 litre of water a day (I will increase this as it becomes easier to remember to drink water). So those will be my main two challenges for this month: Drink at least a litre of water and to drink decaf. Oh and to walk for 20 mins a day :)

So I've been thinking about what I want, what my goals are. And besides the whole 'get fit & healthy' thing, I want to run. I want to be able to run for half an hour straight. I want to not obsess over everything I eat. I want to be able to wear whatever I want and not feel embarrassed about being fat. I want to not have to worry about losing weight for the next upcoming event and then feeling depressed because, once again, I didn't get to my unrealistic goal. I just want to feel good about myself. I want to feel confident. I want to feel alive!

So today I walked for 20 minutes and I cleaned my house. I'm happy with that. I've drank just under a litre of water, so will drink some more before Grey's Anatomy starts.

And on that note...I will leave you all to get back to whatever it was you were doing before reading this. Take care. Read you soon :)

xx

Moving on...

Hey - just in case anyone still comes back & checks to see if I'm still around (don't worry, I don't check back here often either!), I will be coming back to blog world soon...but with a new website - not really liking typepad all that much. But nothing is up & running yet...but there will be in a few weeks or so. I'll let ya know :)

Hope you're all well....

xx

Still here...

...just taking a bit of a break. So I'll be back again in a little while. Hope you're all well. I'll definitely keep reading :)

xx

Time for an update....

Okay, so last week, I was in Sydney with Ryan. What a mistake that was! It was my best friend's 30th on Wednesday last week, so I took Ryan with me to fly up there for it. Ryan had a bit of a cold but didn't seem too bad. WELL...the weather was absolute kaka! It was so humid & muggy, I constantly felt the need to have a shower - like every 20 mins or so. My friend has no air conditioning in her house and both Ry & I were in an upstairs bedroom which was just horrendous! Ry was ok sleeping up until our last night there. Poor kid. But we're home now & everything is good again :)

Needless to say, my eating was insane - as was my consumption with wine. So since I've been home, I haven't touched alcohol, I'm eating very well (no junk & plenty of water, fruit & vegies) and I'm back at the gym. I'm also back at work...which is the only downer, but I need to concentrate on one thing at a time (weight loss), otherwise I'll go crazy trying to do everything at once.

So I have a question for people. I hate the gym. I find it incredibly boring. Yes I have an ipod (I had to go buy one of those tiny little ipod shuffles that have recently come out because it's smaller & easier to use at the gym than my nano), and yes I do listen to music when using the different cardio / weight machines...but I just get bored. So I've been doing classes. I did a pump class on Saturday & I did a step class tonight. Yesterday, I walked around Princes Park so I'm trying to make an effort to 'move' every day - even if it's just for half an hour. So now to my question. Can you still lose a lot of weight doing classes? I plan on doing Pump, Step, Combat & Balance and walk the other 3 days of the week. I just have to shift this weight...but I'm also impatient.

I s'pose I just have to relax, yeah? :)

Anyway, I'm being booted off the computer now...so hope you are all well...and I'll catch up with you all soon. Enjoy the rest of your week.

xx

Forgive me bloggers...

...for I have been slack! It has been frickin' ages since my last post. I'll be honest - I really haven't felt like blogging. I have been keeping up with everyone's blogs, but I just felt that I didn't have anything to contribute to blogland. Then I got a lovely email from Nannette encouraging me to just keep going. So bloggers, I am back in the game! :)

I didn't end up weighing in at the doctors on the 1st. I cancelled my appointment & figured if I didn't get weighed, then I would never know how much weight I'd lost. Therefore, if I wasn't under 100 kilos, it wouldn't matter. But last Friday (the 9th), I decided to just get it over with & went in to get weighed.

AND THE RESULTS ARE IN!!!

97.7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm FINALLY under 100! I'm such a sook that I started crying when I saw that number. My doctor just laughed at me & gave me a high five. 97.7 people - that's a loss of 5.8 kilos since Christmas. I so could have done better but I'm just stoked that I am now in double digits. It's made me even more determined to lose this weight. I've been on a bit of a downer the last few weeks, but I've managed to go to the gym each week day morning. On Mondays & Fridays, I do Pump. On Tuesdays & Thursdays I do Step and on Wednesday mornings I do cardio in the gym. However, my food intake has been shocking..but I'm getting that back under control.

Now just moving away from my issues & dramas...(and I do apologise in advance for my language) I just have to say that the Biggest Loser shits me! I feel like jumping into the screen & punching the fuck out of Courtney, Munnalita & Pati. Fucking bitches! How the hell they've managed to even get as far as they have is beyond me. I cannot wait for them to leave. They're just annoying. They're not even funny to watch. I hardly watch the show now - just on Mondays to see who they get rid of. Okay, end of bitching.

I've been seriously bored at work. I no longer feel challenged in my current role & unfortunately, I've gone about as far as I can go with the company I'm with. I still have about a year or so to go with my accounting studies so I've finally decided instead of just leaving now, I'll stick it out till the end of the year when I've got my little piece of paper (I'm only doing a diploma this year). The bonus with waiting till the end of the year will be that I'll also be about 25 + kilos lighter than what I am now which, unfair as it is, will increase my chances of getting higher paid/higher positioned job. I know that I'm bloody good at my job. I know that I'm not ugly so I've never really had a problem with getting good jobs before (how shallow does that sound???). I just think that if I'm at a healthy weight, at least that projects the fact that I care about how I look & that I look after myself well. Not that I don't now...just that we all know that some people's perceptions of overweight people is that they're lazy. I don't want to be thought of as lazy. Does any of this make any sense?

Ryan & I went to the park today to meet up with my friend, K. We spent a few hours at the park, running around & playing on the play equipment. As we were leaving, K said to me, "Now I know why you've lost so much weight, running around after Ry." I didn't think my weight loss was that noticeable, but she assured me it was. Then she reminded me of what size my jeans were. Y'see, I haven't worn a pair of size 16 jeans in such a long time...but as Kenz will tell you, there's not always a "standard set of patterns for sizes." Still, size 16 feels great to be in :)

Okay...so it's 9.30pm and I still have things to do before I go to sleep. Gotta get up at 6.00am for a Pump class. Hope you all enjoy this coming week. I'll read you all soon.

x

Still smiling :)

Okay, since my last post, I've still been at the gym every day and still feeling so much better for it. I feel alive! My clothes are getting looser yet I have no idea how many kilos I've lost because I'm not weighing myself. Am I tempted? Hell, yes! But I no longer have scales in my house. I threw them out on New Years Day. The only way I'm going to know how much I weigh is when I go for my doctors check up on March 1st. So, that's 6 weeks away. When I went for my check up, on the doctors scales, I weighed 103.5 (I've seen worse :) ) so it will be interesting to see what it says. I'm tempted to weigh myself elsewhere, but that would be pointless since every scale is different. For now, I'm enjoying having more energy to play with Ryan. He's at the stage where everything is exciting - he's just adorable. I love hanging out with my little man :)

I haven't had a chance to catch up on everyone's blogs of late, but will do so tomorrow since I have the day off. Hope you're all well.

Surely by the 1st of March, I'll be under 100kgs???????????

x

Just a quick update...

Okay so since the 3rd of Jan (last post), I have been to the gym every night...and I'm loving it! I've decided that I'll be doing Pump twice a week (Tues nights & Fridays at 11am - which is in about an hour & a half!) & the rest of the nights, I do cardio - I do the running program about 4 times a week & the other day is just the bike & X-trainer. I'm currently on Week 2 of C25K, but I think I might stay here for a while until I feel completely comfortable with it. Since going to the gym every night, I've been feeling stronger & healthier in both mind & spirit. It gives me time out to myself to do something FOR myself. Dave has been great and puts Ryan to bed every night as long as I give him Friday nights to go out with his boys (so ok with that!). I find I'm handling stress so much better than usual. And the best part? I bought a pair of size 18 jeans just before Christmas and now I need a belt! I've NEVER worn a belt since I first started putting on all this weight. It feels really great :) So I'm loving the fact that my size 18 jeans are falling down - so it definitely keeps me motivated to just keep on going.

Thought I'd post some photos - my little sister so 'kindly' sent me this wonderful flattering photo taken of me in Jan 06, so I thought I'd post another one with it of me taken today.

So anyway, not much else is happening here. Just keeping my portion sizes down & exercising daily. Ryan loves it because his mum now has so much more energy for him...and I'm loving having more energy to spend more time hanging out with him.

Hope everyone is going well - enjoy your weekend, & I'll read you all later... :)

xx

P.S. Not all that good with posting pictures :)

It's all about consistency, right?

...I mean, now that I've finally gotten off my arse & into the gym, I just have to keep going & the weight is going to go away & STAY AWAY, right???!! Tonight I did it. I went to the gym! I've decided that I'm going to do that 'Couch to 5K' thing that everyone seems to be doing...and I tell ya, I feel bloody great after doing Day 1. I warmed up on the bike for 10 mins (okay, so I was really trying to psych myself up to get on the damn treadmill in the first place), then did 5 min warm up on the treadmill, then the jog/walk thing. But instead of doing for 20 mins, I ended up doing it for 25 mins cos I lost track of time. I didn't go very fast (hello? I'm 102kgs, people!!!); I walked at 5.7 & jogged at 7.7 so I could last the whole time. I was definitely sweating but you couldn't wipe the smile off my face when I finished. Then I finished with 10 mins on the cross trainer cos I was feeling so good about myself. On my walk back home (I only live a 10 min walk from the gym), I started thinking about my mum & how proud she would be of me for doing this. She was one of my biggest supporters in this weight loss thing. I just wish I'd done this while she was still around.  No doubt she's cheering me on from wherever she is... :)

My eating has been really good these last few days - I'm feeling healthy.

Hope everyone else is going well with their health/fitness goals - & any other goals you've decided on. Can't wait to do this again tomorrow...or am I supposed to not run 2 days in a row???

New Start...

Don't you just love new starts? I swear I have one every couple of months! :)

I'm doing ok. Really. I have my good days & my bad days but mostly I'm relieved that my mum is no longer in pain. It was all pretty crazy and I won't scare you all by going into too much detail, but basically a couple of days before she died, she told me the doc had told her that she probably didn't have much longer because her heart was in pretty bad shape and was told to enjoy the time she had left with her children & grandchildren. So of course every single one of us kids (even the 3 of them in NZ) all got to speak with her before she died so I'm grateful for the fact that she knew we all loved her before she went. Her heart decided it had had enough and she died of a massive heart attack. She didn't die alone as my older sister was with her. We just never expected her to go so soon. But big thank you's to everyone who sent me emails & left comments here. I really do appreciate it.

But this has also put a lot of things into perspective for me & my whole family. All of my siblings need to lose weight - whether it be 10 or 30 kilos, the weight still has to go. We have all decided that there is no way in hell that we are going to end up like our parents (both who died of heart attacks - my Dad died about 5 years ago and he was only 57) and we have to start doing something about our weight. So I joined the Kew YMCA where I had a health assessment done today. Before they can organise a program for me, I had to get a health clearance because I have a heart murmur & my blood pressure was quite high today. So off I went to my doc who basically said that he wanted to monitor me because of my blood pressure. He said with the amount of stress that I've had in the last month, it was bound to be high (it was 160/90) and he didn't want me to do a strenous exercise program. So for the next month, I am off the pill (OMG!! My blood pressure better fuckin' come down soon!!!), there will be no salt in my diet, and I have to walk for about half an hour each day. Oh & of course drink 2 litres of water a day. So I'm going to the gym to do this (the exercise, not the drinking :) ) since I will only be able to exercise at night (because of Ryan) and it gives me some time away from everything and everyone (I started today). I'm actually looking forward to this. My doc wants me to make small consistent changes to help bring my blood pressure back down & then I can start doing a full on gym program. I need to do this. I'm going to do this. I just might need you all to help keep me motivated.

On a lighter note, I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas. Surprisingly, I did. Dave, Ryan & Dave's whole family made it fun for me so that was really sweet. No doubt everyone has great plans for the new year - I know I do! So here's to everyone having their best year yet! May 2007 be your year to accomplish all that you want - but most importantly, have fun doing it!

My best to you all...

xx